I will admit right now, the title of this blog post is actually stolen from a comment one of my NCT/mummy friends made whilst we were all trying to organise a night out (through Facebook-obviously!) and until this point, not once in the last year had it even occurred to me that I am now one of 'them' - you know, *whispers* "mums on Facebook!"
Let's not pretend either that this is mutually exclusive to facebook - I am now also part of the ridiculed collective accused of such atrocities as mum dancing, mum jokes, ( not as bad as dad dancing or dad jokes though!) mums drinking wine, mums on social media and oh my god I'm a mum and I still sleep with my husband (13 year old self *shudders*).
|(This is what happens when you combine mums drinking wine with mums dancing...)|
I am not entirely sure how this happened...One minute I am at university studying for my undergrad degree - one of the few students eligible to use Facebook, because we are talking about 'back in the day' when Facebook was brand spanking new and only students with a ".ac uk" university or college email address could register.
Somewhere between then and now, Facebook changed its rules so that pretty much anyone can have a page and suddenly it's the new 'friends reunited' and your Mum, Dad, Aunty, Uncle possibly even your granny have joined and want to be friends...
I should pause there and say that my mum IS on Facebook, we are friends and she is probably (most definitely reading this)....I'm just glad I was over the age of 18 when she joined because I can imagine it must be mortifying being 14 and reading about your mum's "sexual horoscope" on your news feed and realising that she does in fact use all of the swear words she taught you not to.
(at this point I would love to add a recent snap of my mum caught in the rain with a scarf around her head to save her hair from going frizzy whilst simultaneously flipping me the finger, but she really wouldn't ever forgive me!)
|Instead, i'll post this - which she put on her wall and looks very similar!|
So, how can I make sure I don't become (now or in the future) the kind of mum on Facebook that kids on Facebook refuse to be Facebook friends with? I have some ideas...I'll revisit this post in ten years and see if I stuck to it!
- Don't write such things on your child's wall as "I told you to tidy your room", or "why are you on Facebook you are supposed to be doing your homework"
- Don't post or tag your kids in embarrassing photos ...
- Don't Facebook stalk their love interests
- Make sure you always use opportunities for timehop posts by sharing photos from years ago of you looking hot and having fun - don't let anyone forget that you haven't always been this tired/grey/fat/boring...or maybe this is actually an embarrassing no-no??
- Don't tag yourself in any inappropriate places which may give the impression that you do anything that real mums are not supposed to do (according to their children) such as: " Facebook mum is - in my bed - with @facebookDad #feelingexcited"
- Never ever drink and 'Facebook' your child: "ghellop my lovelyu son rthis is mummy dop you know howq much I lovvve you? Dontr ever forgety I made you so youare mine frever love youuuuu"
- Don't start adding all of his/her friends as your friends
- Even though you will really want to, you must resist liking every.single.photo
- Never ever ever moan about them on a public forum where they or others who know them may read it "grrrrr! If I have to pick up one more stinking sock or one more pair of skiddy boxers!...."
- And NEVER include status updates about certain 'milestones' that they really won't want making public. For example "Ahhhh my baby girl started her periods today - growing up!"
Now I realise as I wrote this list, I am doing so from the perspective of a parent who does NOT have older children, and to those of you who do, this may read a little bit like the list I made before I got pregnant of things I'd never do when I had a baby. You know the one:
- I will not pick them up when they cry
- I will never use a dummy
- They will sleep ONLY in their cot, where I will place them and leave them and they will just fall asleep
- I will never co-sleep
- I will only ever feed them homemade organic food
I did ALL of these (and that's okay!) I'm a bit embarrassed I even came up with this list in the first place, so maybe I'll feel the same one day about my Facebook list!? - feel free to put me straight if you think so, I'll probably need all the help I can get!
Why not read some of my other posts: