Friday, 16 October 2015

Having a baby...the things they never told me about pregnancy, labour and motherhood


pregnancy labour breastfeeding


I almost didn't publish this post - not because of all the new and soon to be mums out there reading this who don't know me, more the fact that the people who do know me will definitely read this and then KNOW...

There is still a huge taboo over sharing the more intimate details of the journey to motherhood - there is still a lot of embarrassment, a lot of 'whispering' of certain words or issues and an awful lot of using alternative words of phrases when talking about or describing your, ahem, you know-nether regions/lady parts/down below/anything but please don't make me say the actual words out loud!

pregnancy labour breastfeeding


Despite the fact I spent a small fortune on NCT classes, read pregnancy books beginning to end and of course, live in a world where we all exist simply because women have been getting pregnant and having babies since the beginning of time - I still managed to cultivate a Google search list of sentences beginning with "is it normal..." Longer than my entire life's shopping lists all glued together (because yes, I do still take an actual list to the shop with me).

I really wish someone somewhere had just sat me down and said - right: this is how it really is. This is how it really can be. These are some of the weird but totally normal things that can happen - so let's be honest and then just crack on with being pregnant and having a baby (instead of spending countless moments at 3am worrying and googling)

pregnancy labour breastfeeding


So here is my list- some of the things that I panicked about (and also some stuff I know some of my friends panicked about) - please share it - not for me, because I know this stuff now, share it for all those lovely new mummies and future mummies out there who might just otherwise waste too much time worrying. If even one person learns one new thing then it's one less worry along a wonderful journey:


Swelling:


We've all heard of swollen feet and ankles, but it's also totally normal to wake up one day (end of last trimester for me) and find that your *lady bits* are so swollen it hurts to walk/sit. I genuinely thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

Stretch marks:


Also totally normal to get stretch marks in weird places...it doesn't just stop at your tummy, they can carry on going. I didn't get a single one until the last 3 weeks (I went 2 weeks over) and didn't realise until I looked in the mirror  - up until this point I had been feeling particularly pleased with myself  - clearly my efforts of rubbing cream and oils in morning and night were paying off....

pregnancy labour breastfeeding

Is my baby in my tummy or my bladder?!:

Towards the end of pregnancy, parts of your baby can get that low down- well into your pelvic region-you can even feel their fingers move near their mouth etc if they are head down - it's totally weird. 

Colostrum:


I had this from about 19 weeks pregnant, although not enough to warrant breast pads, but too much to not notice it in my bra at the end of the day. Also totally normal and doesn't mean you won't have any left by the time baby arrives! 

NCT classes:

If you can afford it, do an NCT class purely for  the people you meet in the group who will be pregnant at the same time. They will prove to be an amazing support network and will keep you sane at 3am in the morning during the end of your pregnancy when you've just got up for your 10th wee, your legs are jumpy and you log into whatsapp and find they are all online too with the same problem - I think this will be the biggest thing to have to do without when I decide to have another...i'm  secretly hoping one of them ends up pregnant at the same time as me!


Sleep:


Use any spare time before the birth you get for sleeping. You wont get much after! ( Or in the hospital before/after)


pregnancy labour breastfeeding




Water births:

 I was adamant I wanted an 'active' labour with a water birth and no pain relief, no interventions etc ( not completely sure i'd ever opt to do that again!) and had been told that water births lower your chance of tearing as well as being a calmer experience for baby- it wasn't until after the birth I was told that a water birth actually increases your chance of a tear. 
It turns out that the midwife isn't able to intervene (putting pressure on the perineum etc to prevent tearing) if it's a water birth in case they cause an air bubble- whereas they can outside of water. I still think it was the best possible birth for Arthur (and the water was a great natural pain reliever, along with proper breathing!) but I would have liked to have had the facts and it's surprising what little advice there was beforehand. 


pregnancy labour water birth



Length of labour:


On the point above, people will tell you that labour can take forever and not to go to hospital until you are having 3 contractions within 5 minutes (or something similar!) which can take hours....it doesn't always take hours (especially if you are induced like I was) I was in labour for 3 hours on a ward (in a bath) and they wouldn't let me go to a private room as they said I couldn't be in established labour- in fact I was fully dilated and pushing and almost had him in the corridor. You know your own body- when the time comes don't let them fob you off.

pregnancy labour breastfeeding



Pushing during labour:

Pushing during labour feels like you need a poo! I walked down the corridor in the hospital not realising I was pushing a baby out and genuinely thought I was actually having an involuntary poo. I declared it to everyone around me - You totally lose all dignity and grace and you won't care at all.


Labour 'noises':


During labour you may  actually "moo" - the noise just comes out of you without any control - I didn't even realise it was me at first...

Aftershocks:


I had contractions and aftershocks down below for days after the birth. Genuinely had no idea what was happening!

Flashbacks:


Trying to get to sleep, when I woke up and also at random times during the day/night I had awful flashbacks of the labour, birth and surgery afterwards for months and months. This is especially common if you had a traumatic birth.
If this is severe and interferes with your life and enjoyment of your baby, there is help available - speak to your midwife or GP. You can read my story about my own traumatic birth and how a debrief with the hospital 2 years later helped me to come to terms with my experience.


Boobs:

When your milk comes in they will be massive and they will be heavy...I found myself in constant turmoil over which body parts I would 'hold up' at any one time - boobs, belly, etc etc they were like melons and they just leaked milk. Buy a massive bra and have it ready.
 If you intend to breastfeed get some Lansinoh nipple cream  - you will probably be sore for the first few days of feeding whilst you help your baby with their latch (possibly longer if your baby has tongue tie and isn't able to latch on easily). It is totally normal to develop scabs or what looks like yellowish coloured blisters (from after a milk feed) during this time. Be mindful of the fact that if your nipples do bleed (you can feed through this) your baby may have blood in their milk sick. It wont harm them.
pregnancy labour breastfeeding




Belly:

For days after birth I felt like I still had a baby inside my tummy. I could feel what i thought were 'kicks' - It is actually just your insides moving back into place. Physically, whenever I rolled over in bed or stood up/down etc it was like carrying a sack of potatoes. I wasn't prepared for that and it felt strange.


Lochia/Clots:

I'm not going to include a picture with this one for obvious reasons! After birth you will have bleeding, like a period, for about 6 weeks - you will need to use maternity pads for this and not tampons.  It is normal to pass some clots in the first few days (especially if you have been lying down for a day or two after surgery) but if the clots are particularly large and continue after a few days it is best to ring your midwife or the maternity ward for advice, just in case there is a bit of the placenta left behind.


Baby blues:

I remember going to visit the midwife for our day 5 check in the morning. She asked me if i'd had any unexplained crying or feeling low as day 5 is the typical day to get a serious case of the baby blues. I said I was totally fine in that respect and thought I'd got away with it. By 5pm I'd started to feel very emotional, but we had visitors over and I was expected to join them for dinner. By 7pm I desperately wanted to be on my own with my baby (who was having cuddles with our visitors). At 9pm I snuck upstairs (without any dinner) pretending that i was just really tired ( I was) and found myself crying uncontrollably, non-stop, for a good couple of hours. I was comforted by the fact my midwife had told me to expect it, and that there didn't have to be a reason for the tears. I wish I'd known in advance about 'day 5' so that I could have insisted we had some time on our own without any visitors.

A baby that cries - alot!


After birth, for the first 3 months (from day 10 onwards)  my baby screamed and cried non stop from 5pm - 7pm  then 10pm - 3am every night....it's SO common but most people never talk about it because most new parents think they must be doing something wrong - except you're not! Arthur suffered from colic and reflux - if you would like to read more about it and what we did to help him, my blog post is available here.

Feeding:


My baby fed ALOT, at least every hour for the first few days plus random 'cluster feeding days' also totally normal but totally exhausting at night time.
Don't live your life around books on baby routines etc -  I've learnt the best thing is to follow your own instincts, and follow your baby! I fed on demand and a few people did criticise me for how often this actually was... Arthur hardly lost any of his birth weight because of it and he slowly spaced out his own feeds getting longer and longer in between. If you just listen to your baby and follow their needs you really won't go wrong.

Things for the baby:

You don't need as much stuff as you think you will. The only thing I'll do differently next time is buy a 'co sleeper' crib that fits onto the side of the bed, it would have made things a lot easier in terms of getting up at night, lifting etc and feeding - especially if you have a bad back and/or if you end up needing any surgery


pregnancy labour breastfeeding



Birth/gym ball:

It was a life saver- especially after he was born for 'bouncing him to sleep'. It saved my back, and my legs!


Stretchy sling:

 Another life saver. Arthur had such bad reflux he had to be upright for 40 mins after every feed. The sling saved me. If you would like to read my blog post on the different slings I chose to use click here.


Even though you swear you'll never do it again....

...And I mean really swear! To the point I made a serious promise to myself to never ever forget just how much it hurt  (probably should've just had the blasted pain relief...) so that I'd never be tempted to want another - here I am 9 months down the line (no i'm not pregnant again friends/family/husband reading this) already planning out how long to wait until we have the next one. ...because in spite of it all, it is SO worth it. And it really is all going too fast.


pregnancy labour breastfeeding

Did you go through the same or similar? Is there anything you would add to this list? Leave me a comment below with your url and twitter handle and I will include your advice in this post - I will update it with any new information!




Why not read some of my other posts:

Dealing with colic and reflux in babies

For all the Mummies going back to work...this one's for you

Having a baby - the things they never told me about pregnancy, labour and motherhood


The diary of a 9 month old escape artist


Did I have a traumatic birth? why things don't always have to go wrong to be wrong...

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18 comments:

  1. Thank you! At 4 months pregnant, I wasn't aware of about 80% of this. :) This will save me a few 3am googles.

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    1. Thank you Kate - and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy. Hope you haven't been too sick/tired so far!

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  2. Fantastic post there are a couple of things here that I wished someone had told me - day 5 blues. I genuinely felt like someone had hijacked my mind. I wish someone had told me that you might poo and throw up during labour and how much blood there would be!

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    1. ahhhh i'm totally with you! That happened to me too, right before my contractions started. And the blood - oh my, I thought i was a gonner...x

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  3. What a brilliant and honest post!? I love it. I was taken by surprise by nearly all of these aspects of becoming a mum, mostly because people just don't seen to tell you about the gory stuff? The biggest shock to me was my post labour bum. 24 hours after a pretty traumatic labour I was sent for a bath in a room with a mirror. Apparently my 90 year old grandma's bottom came in with me, as whatever it was that was in my reflection, it certainly did not belong to me! A fantastic post, and I just wish I'd read it a few years ago! :0) Dawn x #fartglitter

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    1. Haha Dawn this made me laugh - I definitely didn't go anywhere near a mirror that would show anything below my face for a while! The day after I got home from hospital I was instructed by the midwife to take a hand mirror and have a look downstairs at the stitches - I wasn't brave enough to for weeks, but totally wish I had as my imagination was much much worse than the reality! Thanks for commenting. X

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  4. The clot thing terrified me. Nothing like sitting in the bathroom with something the size of a golf ball beside you waiting for the midwife to come for a bathroom 'show and tell'. Totally unprepared. The after cramps too. Ick, not pleasant.
    Just read the comment above...a mirror? No effing way. I didn't look down there for months. I saw enough scary things during the labour thanks very much.

    Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x

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    1. Haha that just reminded me - I actually pressed the emergency button in the shower at the hospital for a similar 'show and tell' - seriously thought I was in a bad way. I learned later on that the last who came wasn't even a midwife, she was a porter of some sort and I was stood there questioning her on everything 😂

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  5. Fantastic post! I'd actually forgotten a few of these as my boys are 9 and 11 but I can imagine this being helpful and a real support to the 3am googlers; ) Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x

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    1. I hope so - unless I've just put people off ever getting pregnant! X

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  6. Fantastic post! I'd actually forgotten a few of these as my boys are 9 and 11 but I can imagine this being helpful and a real support to the 3am googlers; ) Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x

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  7. Fantastic post! I'd actually forgotten a few of these as my boys are 9 and 11 but I can imagine this being helpful and a real support to the 3am googlers; ) Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x

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  8. I suffered with awful flashbacks from my second labour that would wake me up in a sweat in the night for months afterwards. You do forget the pain though as I went on to have a third. I also had no stretch marks until I went over grrr! Great list. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix

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    1. So glad it's not just me! Can't quite imagine three right now - especially if they get bigger every time (or so I've been told!??)

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  9. Oh God you really told it how it is!! The only difference with me was that I didn't have a normal labour. After suffering for 24 hours I ended up having an emergency c-section which lasted just 30 minutes and I saw my daughter after 15 minutes!! My experience was traumatic. So this time around (second baby) I went straight for a programmed c-section (which I was offered due to what happened previously) and I was able to organise my day, didn't have to go through the proper contractions again and I had my baby after 15 minutes of starting the surgery. And also I went home the next day!! All good. The only thing is that of course it takes you more time to heal and you need to rest more but in general my second experience was much better!!. Great post!! Thanks so much for joining me at #KCACOLS. I hope to see you again!! :-) xx
    http://www.amomentwithfranca.com/

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    1. Oh I just can't imagine doing that for 24 hours! Like you I have been offered a c section next time - I'm not sure yet whether I will choose it or take my chances, I have time to decide I suppose! I think my recovery after surgery was just as long as it would have been with a c section though and I only came home after 2 days because I said that I really didn't want to stay! (Plus 30 min observations in hospital equals no sleep!) I don't know why I thought I'd get any more sleep at home though haha! They said I had to stay until I'd 'been to the toilet'..well, that was not going to happen in hospital lol! X

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  10. So many good tips. I had three boys and I can relate to some of these. Especially the reflux. My oldest cried all the time and the doctor told me it was me that was the problem. And I believed him!! It wasn't until my second child and a new doctor that I found out they were both allergic to milk. Always trust your mommy instinct.

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