Teaching young children about loss and helping them through grief can be really hard. Death is a very abstract concept to explain to small children, especially when so many of us have different beliefs about what happens when we die - knowing how to explore and explain it is something many of us would struggle with.
Using a picture book about grief or loss, with a simple narrative is a great starting point in helping children to understand and cope. There are lots of lovely books available which touch on the subject, and in this blog post I will be sharing the best children's books on grief and where to buy cheap books online for this purpose.
Affordable Children's Books:
There is no need to purchase brand new books for this purpose - especially when you will be encouraging children to re-read and explore the books themselves after reading them alongside you. For the purpose of this blog post, I sourced all of the books shown in this post from the 'used books' section at
Awesome Books. I simply searched for the titles I required and had no difficulty in finding those that I wanted to share. Using preloved books is a great way to remain eco-conscious and extend the life of a book, and the help it can give to other children. Second hand books are much more affordable, especially if you want to use a few different picture books on grief to help teach your child how to understand and cope with loss. Awesome Books kindly gifted the books I chose for the purpose of this blog post.
Best books on grief and grieving:
Although there are so many children's books on grief, I am going to show you my top 4 books to help children cope with grief and loss. I will also explain how you can use these books to help, and some
activity ideas to use alongside the books too (if appropriate).
Children's books on grief:
These are books that I have used both as a Primary School Teacher and as a parent:
1) The Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson
The book follows the story of a little girl who makes a chain of paper dolls with her mother and she takes them on different adventures. The dolls are all individually named with a description which allows for a lovely little bit of rhyme and alliteration within the repeated refrain.
The key message from the paper dolls throughout, which the children are able to join in with, is “we’re holding hands and we won’t let go”.
One day, a boy snips the paper dolls into tiny pieces claiming that they are “gone forever” – but instead, they maintain their message of not letting go and they fly into the girl’s memory.
The paper dolls join lots of other ‘lost’ items in the little girl’s memory, including “a kind granny”, and the story continues as the girl grows and then makes a chain of paper dolls with her own daughter.
The story itself is very subtle and open ended in terms of the message conveyed and allows for you to choose the direction in which you wish to take your conversation and discussion afterwards.
It’s a lovely introduction to loss and memories and the idea of people living on in our minds – introducing the idea that even though you are gone you can still remember the good times, helping children to cope with loss by focusing on sharing memories of their loved ones.
In explaining the nature of human life and the life cycle within, this book also helps children to consider the idea of life continuing, in spite of loss, along with the memories which live on.
The book is a safe read for young children as the narrative explores death in a very gentle and subtle way, with the grandma within the girl’s memory, and instead focuses on the feelings surrounding loss – hopefully helping children to open up about their own experiences.
There are a number of talking points which this story can help to aid in discussions with children:
- The idea of ‘sticking together’ and holding hands to get through difficult times, just like the paper dolls.
- The idea that as long as you keep hold of memories in your mind and heart you will never truly lose them.
- The idea of life going full circle and the passing of time with the girl growing and losing things, but the memories live on.
- The idea of the key message “we’re holding hands and we wont let go”, despite being physically separated still remained true.
- The idea that no matter how or where we lose something or someone, or what we believe personally, they always live on in our minds.
Activity idea for The Paper Dolls:
Making a chain of paper dolls, perhaps of people or things which have been lost or they don’t see anymore, as a focused activity with the children will also help to aid a discussion around feelings and memories and also deliver an insight into how the child is thinking, feeling and understanding the idea of loss.
2) The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
The Invisible String is a story of a mother and her two children who are anxious about separating from her. The book explores the idea of everyone being connected by 'an invisible string' made of love. The idea is that you cannot see the string but you can always feel it in your heart, helping children to understand that they are always connected to those they love. The book touches on grief and loss when one of the children ask, "Can my string reach all the way to Uncle Brian in heaven?" - helping children to understand that the love from the invisible string remains even after the death of someone they care about.
The book explores the concept through
everyday activities which children will be able to relate to such as going to school, as well as more far-fetched ideas such as being in a submarine.
Activity idea for The Invisible String:
Give each child a piece of paper and ask them to draw themselves in the middle. Around them, they can draw or write the names of people (and pets) they have an invisible string to. Once they have finished, you can discuss their picture by asking questions such as:
- Who is at the end of your invisible strings?
- What makes that person special to you?
- What is something you love doing together?
- How does it feel knowing your string is always there?
- Can an invisible string connect you to someone who isn't nearby?
3) Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
This story focuses on 'Badger' who is 'old and knows that he is going to die'. Rather than being frightened by death, he is most concerned by how his friends will cope once he is no longer there. After he passes, his friends grieve and miss him terribly. They begin to talk about Badger, remembering all of the things that he taught them...for example, Frog remembers that Badger taught him how to make paper chains. These skills and memories become 'Badger's Parting Gifts' - things that remain even though Badger himself is no longer there.
This helps children to understand grief and loss through the idea that someone can die but the relationship and memories we have of them don't disappear. It shows that grief can feel very painful at first but that remembering someone and talking about happy experiences can eventually bring comfort. It also gives children a useful way of thinking about what a person leaves behind...not necessarily physical possessions but skills, traditions or things they have taught us.
Activity idea for Badger's Parting Gifts:
Ask children to think about someone special who has taught them something - this could be someone who has died, but it could also be a living family member, teacher or friends. Give each child a small paper gift to draw or write on: "Someone special taught me..."
They could draw themselves doing the thing they learned. Put all of the gifts into a decorated memory box or make a class display called 'The Things We Carry With Us'.
4) Granpa by John Burningham
Granpa tells the story of a little girl and her Grandfather using simple text and illustrations to show their close relationship and things they enjoy doing together such as eating ice cream, fishing, singing or imagining adventures. Towards the end of the story, Granpa becomes unwell, and the final image shows the little girl sitting sadly with an empty armchair - conveying that Granpa had died.
The book explores grief by showing the love and connection that was there before the loss and the sense of absence afterwards. Children are able to use the illustrations to talk about what they notice and use words to explain their emotions such as love, sadness. loneliness and missing someone. It also helps in exploring the way people can feel sadness at a loss whilst also feeling happy when remembering something they did together.
Activity Idea for Granpa:
After reading the book and exploring loss and grief, provide children with a drawing of an empty chair (or an actual empty chair) and ask, " If someone you love sat in this chair, what might you remember about them?"
Children can either discuss this as a group, or draw around or inside the chair pictures of things they enjoyed doing with that person. You can then discuss how a place can look empty but still be full of memories.
Final word on these children's books about grief and loss:
I hope you find these activities and explorations helpful and useful, whether you decide to use them at school or at home to help children understand grief and loss. Picture books are a powerful tool to aid learning and give children something tangible to use, especially when discussing an abstract concept such as death. Allowing children to have the time and opportunity to explore the books independently afterwards is really important - this is one of the reason I chose to use pre-loved, second hand books that could be sourced cheaply so that I do not have to worry if the books become 'well loved' and used thoroughly by little hands!
